Sunday, January 30, 2011

Simply Become who you are.

Simply Become who you are, and remember from where you came. Become more than anyone dreamed, and be an inspiration to many.

I was cleaning my scraproom today and came across this saying on the front of a mini- book that I had made in 2007. It was a class that I took from Lisa Bearnson AT CK convention in Bellevue WA. This saying is on the cover of the book, the book that I never filled. At the time I thought it was silly, 'I am not an inspiration to anyone, I cant fill this book'. And so, like many projects we scrappers make in classes, it sat untouched. For Over 3 years. I cant wait to fill this book now!!!

This was perfect for me to find today, absolutely perfect. If ever I questioned if things happen for a reason, this would nip that in the bud. I found this book today for a reason.

I have been asked why I am so public about my weight loss, Why would anyone want to share such a personal thing about themselves? And How could I ever say out loud that I once weighed 330 pounds ? ( I was not asked that question , but I know it has been thought) . And while I was thinking about all of this this past week , I was approached daily by people who had read my blog ( thank you ) watched my show , or had heard about me, and wanted to let me know what an inspiration I was to them. Many, but not all, of these ladies have weight issues, and all of them are doing something to make themselves more healthy. they tell me what they are doing, how their husbands are changing too, They love telling me how they are taking baby steps towards a healthier life. They related to my blog, or my story, they come to my classes at the gym and want to talk to me afterwards about me, about themselves, they want to pick my brain about things ( loose skin, is it an issue? food, calories, exercise, how hard it all is ) But most of all they just like that I am real. I am a real person that has done something that so many consider impossible to do. ( And I tell it like it is. ) They think that is this ordinary 40 year old lady can do it, than I can to.
Think about how hard it is to lose 20, 40, 80 pounds. And think about how daunting it is to lose those pounds. Now think about someone who has 120 , 140 , 180 pounds to lose. Imagine for one moment how that person must feel. Hopeless, that is how they feel, like its a completely impossible task , something that they can not tackle. Think about how shameful it is to be overweight, not just overweight, but morbidly obese. There is shame in everything you do when you are that large. From shopping for clothes, to have a romantic relationship, to just going out in public, and to the worst part, eating in front of others. And seriously, its no secret that you eat, cause that is clear that you eat , way too much in fact. You wake up everyday and are reminded of how your weight has gotten so out of hand and how it effects every aspect of your life, with everything you do, you are reminded of that.

If , by me being so public and so open , and so willing to talk about where I have been, can help just ONE person , Then it makes it all worth it. If I can help one person that feels the way I use to feel, feel as wonderful as I feel now, than its all worth it.

I will never question if being so open was/is the right thing to do, I know it is. It may not be what is right for others, but this is my journey, and no-one needs to understand it, but me. <3

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Body Fat

that has always been my goal, to be at a certain body fat % , I am shooting for 20 % . I honestly have no clue what mine is. I cant do the skin fold test, I have too much loose skin for an accurate reading ( we have tried) I have the thing that you squeeze at the gym ,but those are not really accurate either, usually they are too high. but its been my guide since its all that I have. Until now! I will be using this method on Valentines Day . I cant wait to do it and find out for sure where I stand. I am a little worried about it, but I am also hoping to be very surprised , happily shocked when I get my results! ( positive thinking )

Because after all, its all about the numbers.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Dont worry about the numbers

That is something I hear all the time when talking about the scale. People tell me ALL the time, its just a number, it doesn't mean anything ( this is what people say to you when you are obsessing over staying at a certain weight ) . They say, don't worry about the scale, its how your clothes fit, and how you feel. But here is MY thing. Its about how the clothes fit?? Cause guess what? The clothes number means just as much to me as the number on the scale. Fitting in and staying in a size 6 is what I had aimed for , heck, I wouldn't even mind being a size 4 all the time. Granted there are some size 4's that fit, BUT there are also some styles that 6's are tight and I need an 8. and that should be just fine with me coming where I came from. But its not. And guess what, I wont by those pants that I would need an 8 in. I just wont. Cause its all about the number.
Its always been about the number, all day long numbers dictate my , OUR life. Calories in, Calories out , counting what you eat, ( numbers ) weighing your food ( numbers) watching how many carbs , how much fat, how much protein is in everything you eat ( numbers numbers numbers). 2400 ( mg) is how much sodium you should have in a day, well not to exceed that much, NO MATTER how much you eat, you shouldn't exceed 2400 mg of sodium. Have you seen the amount of sodium that is in deli meat? No? take a peek next time your in the kitchen. You will be shocked.

How can I not worry about the numbers, when its ALL About the numbers. It always will be for me, cause I am not ever going back to where I was. I wont freak if my scale goes above 145, ( 150 is a different story, lol) I will forever be a scale lover, it will always be my guide. Yes the clothes thing is also a very good guide, but I like my scale, it has been my enemy and my partner in my journey, and finally my friend for the first time in my whole life. I am not ending my relationship with my scale, I dont care what you say.

IT will always be all about some number , and it really is OK

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Why is it so hard?

To get higher calories in with healthy foods?? Sure I could easily eat 1500+ calories if it was bad for me and tasted yummy ( loaded with fat) but I am not going for that, I am going for healthy good for you foods, and I tell ya, it is harder than heck to get in all those calories with healthy foods. Why is that?? Well one, I think, its because they are so filling. high protein and good for you carbs, and lots of fiber, ALL good for you , filling stuff. And TWO, well lets just be honest here, I don't like ALOT of healthy good for you stuff, I just don't. I eat the same things for about a month than rotate onto something else. Everything makes it way back into my life , but sometimes I go a month without something ( broccoli for example) . Crazy , I know this. OH and then to balance, Carbs, Fats, AND Protein, even harder!! Who knew?
Its the carbs that get me . Always the carbs.....

Have a Healthy Day!

Saturday, January 15, 2011


While Angela and I have been talking about it alot lately, I havent talked about it here. Being honest with ourselves . I have been honest with myself mostly, for the last two years. I do not think you can really do what I have done without taking a good long honest look at yourself, and stay true to yourself . About 3 months into my journey I had a BIG realization . I was faced with cookie dough, and I thought, " You could eat this piece of cookie dough and no one would ever know" then I thought " WHOA You stupid #*%@! , YOU KNOW!!!!" WOW , that was a moment of honesty that I will remember forever, That was when I was being honest with me, myself, and I. Truly the one person that mattered most in this journey.

Honestly comes in many forms in this diet and exercise way of life, it comes in when you measure your food, and log your food. Did you level out that tablespoon, cup, whatever it is, or is it heaping over?? Guess what ?? That heaping over adds calories that you are not accounting for. Not leveling off your tablespoon of peanut butter, you probable added about 25% more calories, and while that really isnt a big deal for that one time, it is when it adds up over a day/week. Are you honest with what you log / write down what you are eating?? you are kidding no one here but yourself. Even if you eat over, WRITE IT DOWN, this is HUGE , you can see what you are doing , HUGE deal. When you are not getting the results you want, you can look at your food diary and see why not.

It comes in when you are on the treadmill, are you walking , out for a sunday stroll, put in 30 mins and think you had a good workout ?? Cause you what, You probably didnt. Sure, you got on the treadmill and did some walking, but did you really push yourself?? THAT is what is gonna get results. pushing yourself, making yourself uncomfortable, not hanging out reading a book, or texting, or on your phone. Unless you have an injury which keeps you from pushing yourself, you have no reason not to. Be honest with what you put in at the gym.

So back to being honest to myself, I know that this is going to be a tough year, maintenance I mean. not that I think I will eat too much, But just the opposite, I think I wont eat enough. I am scared to add more calories back in, I am working very hard on doing it , but it is tough. Also trying to work out only 4 days a week instead of 5. Again hard to do. But, I am working on it. Today I had time to go to the gym, it would have been day 5, it took a LOT for me to not go. I even had my gym bag ready to go in the car. I kept telling myself it was ok not to go..... I didnt go.

I am going tomorrow.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Newday Northwest Show


IT WAS SUPER FUN!!!! They were so nice, what a fun time I had. I was all good and not nervous, not too much, until I walked out there and sat down on the chair, Then I wanted to throw up right there at Margaret's feet. OH MY GOODNESS. I looked out and saw Alec and Jake and Angela sitting there and they made me want to cry. So good having them there and having their support. We sat in the audience through out the whole show, then they came and got Alec Jake and I and went in the back and got our non shine makeup on. Then Alec and Jake went back out and sat down, I stayed in the back till my segment. Like I said, I was fine till I went on, I was chatting with one of the guests that had been on before me and I was doing great. Then I went out and she asked me some questions that were on the list, but not all. So I was kind of thrown. But who knows if I would have been any better if I had known every question she would ask and I had every answer planned out. Cause once you throw emotions into play, it all goes to heck. lol IT was a great and amazing time. Loved it!!

I got an email after the show aired from a lady who said she weighs about where I started out, and was making cookies and eating cookie dough when I came on and she saw my segment. She threw the cookie dough out , and was saving the rest of the made cookies for her kids. SEE!!! That IS EXACTLY why I share my journey, to touch others, and help inspire others. YEAH, she made my day !

I am having issues again with uploading pictures, I will try to add them in the morning. In the meantime, enjoy the link!
UPDATE Pics are now up, I had to make them small for them to go. Whatever. ;)
First pic os Angela and I outside of the green room, Alec Jake and I before the show, and Angela, Margaret and I after the show !


Saturday, January 8, 2011

New Day Northwest!!

Do NOT forget to tune in to watch me on King 5's New Day Northwest on Tuesday Jan, 11th, at 11 am. For those of you that are not located in the PNW, the clip will be available to see within 24 hours after the show airs. ( I will post a link here and on FB) . I am super excited to do the show ! I talked to Bekky ( the producer) on Friday for about 30 mins, so nice to finally talk to her, we have been emailing since November!
Also, I really want to go into a bit more detail about my speaking the other night. The Ladies at the church were wonderful. I am super bummed I didnt remember my camera, I will for sure this week when I speak at my Co-workers Church. I only hope the ladies on WED night will be as warm, welcoming, and open as the ladies were last week. I spoke of my fear of being judged , because we, as woman, and a society, judge people. I know its true, I do it , I did it. I will admit that about myself, and I have a fear of being judged, I had hope the ladies wouldnt judge how I lived my life for 20 years. As an obese wife, mother, person. But I didnt get the feeling that they did, and in fact, if they did, I didnt notice , and I will take that :)
I am meeting with Susan on Saturday so we can talk about my becoming a personal trainer, she is one herself, and owner of a Yoga Studio , and wants me to come work in her studio and help overweight ladies become healthy. I want to do this more than anything, I want to bring my experiences of the journey from unhealthy to healthy with me and help others become healthy. I have been there, done that, and want to do whatever I can to help others feel as good as I feel. And getting paid for it and turning it into a career, YES PLEASE!

Friday, January 7, 2011

Thank you

I just want to thank all the ladies that came out to hear me speak last night. They were welcoming and open to hearing my story. It was a wonderful night and I felt like I had inspired many. :)

Saturday, January 1, 2011

my 2010 results!

I have been trying to post my 2010 results since Friday night, but blogger was being a pain, So glad to have it up for you now!

In 2010, I lost 40 pounds, and 29.5 inches

Neck - 1.5

Chest - 5

ribcage ( where you measure for the bra band) -3

Waist -6

hips -6

Thighs 2.5 ( x2 = 5)

biceps 1.5 (x2 =3 )

Those are the only points that I measure, so yes there are more inches lost, but that is all I keep track of.

Sad about the 5 off my chest, I was never the girl that hated her big boobs, I in fact, always enjoyed having them, unless of course I was running, lol. This year I have just completely lost them. Sad. I have been known to stuff my bra these days, not always, but whenever I think they need a little something , I add it. lol. ( I hide nothing from you guys)