Something has really been bothering me the last couple of weeks

 I have heard the comments the last few weeks, with regards to my injuries.    " Maybe you need to stop working out" or  " You work out too much, this is a sign" , along the lines of that.  from strangers to my own close family members. And it really bugs the crap out of me when they say that. for a few reasons. ONE, being injured is not a sign that I work out too much,  the torn muscle came from a jumping jack, and would have happened if I was walking down the stairs, I have had nothing but problems with my right leg for a very long time with tight muscles, pulled muscles, ect, the night before the tear happened I had been woken up with a muscle cramp that lasted over 30 minutes and had me in tears, ( the DR is trying to figure out why I have been getting these types of cramps for almost 2 years)  the DR said it would most likely would have happened anyway. so "Working out WAY too much was not the cause"
 And the stress fracture started before the torn muscle, and that was my own fault cause I was not wearing shoes while doing Insanity for the previous 5 weeks. I was doing it in my living room and after the first day of wearing the shoes and catching them on the carpet more than once, I thought without shoes was safer and I wouldnt trip on the carpet.  So that was my fault, but in no way was it due to working out too much.
 ITs funny how people dont notice how I have not stepped foot inside a gym since May 31st. Or that leading up to may 31st for most of 2012, I had limited my gym time BIG TIME, due to moving, ( Packing, Cleaning, Finding a new home )  and having to find a new job.     No one says a word about how this must be making me feel. How maybe this has me scared to death that I may regain weight.   I have spent my life  two ways, 'Being overweight, and eating all the time to cope with anything I didnt like,    not moving off the couch unless I absolutely had to'.  And '  spending two years working out 10 hours a week, losing 188 pounds , then working like hell to figure out how to maintain all that weight that I had just worked so hard to lose' and now for the past 4 weeks I have been here. Not being able to work out cause if I did I would do more serious injury to myself , trying to let my body heal,  and trying like hell to not gain weight while this is happening. I have not done cardio  or any sort of workout in 4 weeks. I can feel myself getting flabby, things are spreading , and nothing fits the way it should. the scale may not have changed much, but the body has.  And I hate it. I hate the way I feel. this is not the Tami I have grown to love . It is very hard to be this way, and I dont think anyone can understand unless they themselves have had such a transformation, and have gone through all the  emotions and ups and downs of such a journey.   Its like that old saying about   not judging someone unless you have walked in their shoes....   Yeah.  That.  
 So people should stop saying things like " you work out too much , its a sign"  cause its not true.   Its life, its called getting older, and hey here is a thought, spending 20 years 100 + pounds overweight did a number on my bones,   That is not a reason to sit on my ass and get fat again. I will heal, and adjust where I need and I will stay fit and healthy. I will not stop working out,  or take this as a reason to stop working out , even if that is what you secretly hope I would do .  I wont allow myself to be that person I once was, cause THAT was killing me,  slowly I was killing myself .

Update

I meant to update last week after I went to the doctor. The leg is well in its way to healing ( only hurts walking down stairs , or at the end of the day) so that is the good news . The bad news is we x rayed the left foot , and it shows a stress fracture on the 5th something ( bone on the outside where it has been swollen red and painful) also it showed large bone spurs on my heel. So I left there with a boot now on the left foot and she wants to order a bone scan. So I a still out of action for a while. The good news is I got rid of those pesky pounds that joined me after my injury , so that is good ! Here's to low carbs !!!!

almost 3 weeks out

this is hard to recover .. this is hard to understand that even though you FEEL like you can do something, and that you are all healed up, that you are not.   I think I had a set back last WED, I know I did , I thought I was feeling ok and I could do something, but I was answered quickly that I was  not, and should not.  so today , even though I can walk without feeling pain, I know better now to not do something .
  I have  been nursing a sore foot on my other leg as well, This pain started a bit before the injury, but since the injury it has totally flared it self up  ( I think the over compensating for the bad leg is the culprit )  its painful to walk, and swollen and red on the outer side of my foot. not sure but sounds like a stress fracture. I am having an xray on Thursday when I got  back to my DR for the muscle. I hope I am given the OK to get out of that darn boot! 
  So I really dont feel like I am any closer to getting back to cardio, I hope I am wrong.   in the meantime, after the 5 pounds I instantly gained after the first week, I have cut back on calories and carbs, and hope to see the scale move down soon,  I wouldnt mind the weight gain so much if it didnt all go to my waist and stomach,  but thats where it has gone, and I have no waist and more of a tummy.  trying not to get too frustrated and stay positive and keep it all in prospective ....

 trying is the key word.

stop to a dead halt .

That is where I am. 
 A dead stop.
 No working out.
 Nothing. For a few weeks.
Not by choice, but by force.

 A torn gastrocnemius  ( calf muscle) .
 the cause ?  A jumping jack.  One.  HOW LAME IS THAT?
 it happened one week ago today, but I didnt go to the DR till this morning. The swelling, bruising , and pain not getting better, made me go.  

 I am now in a boot from toe to knee and they wished I would have taken the crutches as well, I thought I would probably break my neck with those and the boot , so I declined.    As I sit here and type my calf is in complete spasms . I think that is the worst part of it all.  those things suck.

 I feel like past 4 months have been  such a struggle, and just when I was getting things going and feeling good with my workouts again ( I had just completed month one of INSANITY when this happened) This setback has jumped in to say, " NOT SO FAST GIRL" ! I do not know what to do. People say " ohh do upper body, " ummm..... HI, I am still dealing with my shoulder injury from LAST DECEMBER.   so Upper body has taken a hit as well. now this.  

 I    am at such a loss.  I said to Scott tonight " I wonder if I can do hot yoga these next few weeks ?" he looked at me like I just asked him if we could go rob a bank, I got the  Are you F#*&ing me look, followed by " BABE, YOU CANT TO ANYTHING!"

I dont like that thought.....