Running, again!

I know I already posted a post about running , But I wanted to post about my run today. Today I went by myself on a run. I was laying in bed very sad, and very tired. ( My grandfather passed away on Friday) . I was laying there and thought I need to get up and run, just get dressed and go. So I did. I went on the same run that I started on last July, the one that I did the C25K on. The one that I couldnt even run 60 seconds on without stopping. I went 45 minutes without stopping today! I did the loop, and did it again, and then turned around and went backwards so I could hit the hills going up. I just kept going and going and going, I felt like Forest Gump!
I am glad that I did that run alone, it was just me and my music, not really my thoughts, I dont like thinking while I run, I like letting the beat of the music make me go and that is the only thing that I think about while I run.
so if any of you ever think you cant run, think again. YES YOU CAN!

Gastric Bypass

I think it was Dec of 2004, and I had made an appointment with the DR at Valley Medical hospital to see if that was the thing for me. I had honestly thought that I was just going to be fat forever unless I had this surgery. it was going to be my miracle that I had been waiting for, cause seriously, I had tried everything else and I never lost weight, so this must be my last choice, right?
I sat through about 4 hours of testing, pretty much of nurses telling me how my weight was killing me, and all the bad things that were going to happen to me if I didnt lose the weight, Well Duh, I knew that, that was the whole reason I was there to begin with! after about 4 hours, I was only then told that my insurance wouldnt cover the surgery, but I could try to finance it. Yeah right, that was not going to happen. if I couldnt have it covered by insurance, I would not be having it done. I left very dissapointed, and with a $1000.00 bill. Nice.

I also didnt "diet" again till 2007.

I have people ask me now how I lost the weight, " did you have surgery"? they ask. I proudly say " No, I didnt, I did it the right way, with counting all my calories, and tons of exercise" . Sometimes they seem like they wanted me to say " YES, I had most of my stomache blocked off and I cant eat a thing now without throwing up" .
I am living proof that this can be done the right way, dont even think you cant, Cause if I can, anyone can. :)

bad thyroid

I honestly thought I had one. Why else would I be so overweight? Why else couldnt I lose weight? Clearly it had to be the fact that my thyroid was off. IT couldnt be because I over ate, or that I enjoyed eating a bag of chips at night, ( ok maybe half a bag) or that I had HUGE portion sizes. or that I didnt exercise, no, it was cause of my bad thyroid.
I even went to the DR and had it tested. Guess what? It was totally fine. ( Damn it) I was so stunned by those results, that I believe I Gained another 10 pounds.
I just figured I Was not a person that could lose weight, I was going to be a huge person for the rest of my life, cause every time that I had tried to lose wieght in the past ,I couldnt get past 10 pounds, I figured my body just COULDNT lose weight.
Little did I know that my mind was stopping me from losing weight. I wasnt ready to be fit and healthy , so therefor, I wasnt. once my mind was ready to lose weight and be a healthy person, my body followed.
its amazing what mind over matter can do to you.

Another Compare pic!

had to post this one too!

Compare pics

First pic is at my heaviest.( Aug 04) second pic is 100 pound loss( may 27 09) last pic is 150 pounds lost ( Dec 31, 09)


When I hit the 100 pound lost mark , it was very emotional , I cried alot... when I hit the 150 it was not so much . I was so proud of myself and felt like I just did something so huge. I felt empowered . if I can do this, I can do anything....

Running

I LOVE IT! Never EVER would I have believed anyone if they had ever told me that I would be running and that I would love it. I would have laughed at them.
I take you back to July of last year when I started the C25K program . ( couch to 5 K) I could barely do the first week which was only 60 seconds of jogging.
I have spent the last 3 Sundays running with a friend, we have done 6 miles each time. Each time gets better and better. 6 miles...
I have an 8k planned for late July, its the Torchlight 8k race. you have to maintain an 11 minute mile or the sweeper van comes and gets you, The Torchlight Parade comes right after that on the same route.
I do not plan to be picked up by the sweeper!

Men.

They are an interesting bunch, and this past year I have really learned how a pretty lady ( yes I just called myself pretty) can make them act. IT can make them act like total gentleman, and total teenage boys, complete with whistles and yelling things out the car window.

The obvious would be the gentleman type, They smile and say hello when I pass them on the street, The hold doors open for me, When the rare one does come into the nook, they start up conversations with me. The waiters always have a more flirtatious way about them with me. Granted this isnt every man I come in contact with thru out the day, but it is for sure the majority of them.

The one time that stands out about them yelling things out the window as they passed was a time that I was crossing the parking lot, and a man in a truck slowed down whistled and said " WOW, HOT" . I smiled and kept going, but I took his compliment as it was and I believed him. Now not 1 hour before when I left the house, Scott basically said the same thing, ( his was more like, " You look Yummy") and I just said yea, thanks. But when this complete stranger yells it out of his car window, I am happy for the night. Why is that?

A part of me gets a little mad at these men that are so nice to me nowadays, these are the same men , ( well not the same, but you know what I mean) that a year ago , wouldnt give me the time of day. I am the same person inside, My feelings are the same, but all they see is the outside and a pretty girl they want to smile at. I Wish we could be judged on what is the on the inside, and not by what is on the outside.

The Scale

I will admit, I am obsessed with it. Three of them in fact. I have two here at home, one in my bathroom, which is the old fashioned kind that goes around ( it use to go around and around, lol) and then in the boys bathroom is the digital scale. Third is the one at the gym, which I usually get on Thursday or SAT am. ( I Weight differently on all scales, but the digital one and the one at the gym are very close to being the same. The one in my room is the one I started with, so it will always be the one I take my offical weight loss from.) ,

Every AM its the same. I get up, I use the bathroom, I strip down to nothing and I get on my old fashion scale. I take note. Next I put on my robe, and go get the one out of the boys bathroom, I go back to my bathroom, take off my robe , and step on that one. This second one makes or breaks my day, before it even starts. I am USUALLY ok if it doesnt move, as long at it doesnt go up, even .5 lbs, I am usually ok. UNLESS its been close to 2 weeks and then I start to freak out, I have even jumped up and down in frustration at times ( ok, get the image out of your head, Sorry I put it there.) When I lose weight most times its pounds at a time ( like 3 or 4 ) and that happens about every week and a half to two weeks . then nothing till the next two weeks.

You would think, that after a year of doing this I would know not to live by the scale, but I still do. The one thing I have learned in the last year is what does make my weight go up for a day, I just look at what I ate the day before and I know, " ohh I had too much sodium intake, " or " it was the wine" ... I think its a good thing that I know how these things affect my body. Should I let the scale make or break my day before my day even starts? Probably not, but it took 39 years to care what the scale says, so I am going to go with it for a while more....

Really?

This is a message I got this morning on MYFITNESSPAL, from a member on there:


"just had to pop and in and tell you that you look amazing! There are a few people here on MFP that I jump on their profiles and look at there b/a pics to get encouragement and you are one of them... Thank you "

And another from this morning:

"Wow! Wow!! Wow!!! You are AMAZING! I'm SO proud of you! I tell lots of people I know, who want to lose a LOT, but feel like it's impossible, about YOU! You are LIVING PROOF! You GO girl!
"


I still find it hard to believe that someone is saying that to me. I mean, I get it, I understand what I have done is amazing and so hard to do, I really do get that, But I have a hard time believing that I am that person they are talking about.


I use to look at myself in the mirror when I was so overweight and think , that isnt me, I am not that big...



sometimes my mind still plays crazy games on me. I see my reflection and think its not me, then I realize, WOW, that IS ME! For a very long time I thought the mirrors at the gym for those fake skinny mirrors, untill I looked around at all the other people and noticed that they all looked normal in the mirror, so they must not be those skinny mirrors...


It takes a while for your head to catch with your body, in so many ways.

My first workout with a trainer

Let me bring you back to a Saturday in Early January in 2009. It was my first workout with a trainer, ya know, the ones that most gyms give you when you first join, they say its
" complimentary" , your gift for joining, But really, its their way of showing you, just how out of shape you really are, then , after they kill you, they sit you down and tell you how you can pay them BIG bucks to do that to you on a weekly/monthly basis.
The Boy ( and I say BOY, cause he graduated high school with ALEC, so yeah. The BOY who I was lucky enough to get wanted to take my measurements and test my body fat. I WOULDNT LET HIM. Can you believe that? I didnt want to know what my body fat was, and I certainly didnt want a boy young enough to be my son ( and who knew my son) wrap a tape measure around the fattest parts of my body, just to write down numbers you normally dont think of when you think of some 39 year old woman's measurements.
He said he would pass on doing that part, and then proceeded to torture me with his workout. Little did I know then, but it wasnt really a workout, it was the fitness test that they put you through, to see how unfit you really are. He made me do wall squats for 15 seconds at a time, I was begging to stop at 10 seconds. He wanted me to hold full body plank for 15 seconds, I didnt last 7. He asked me to do a real push up, and I gave him 5 girly ones with extreme difficulty, but I showed him! he had me do lunges , and step up and down on a step for 30 seconds. When I was finished I WAS DYING. ( I thought clearly this boy doesnt understand how overweight and out of shape I am, or he would have taken it a little easy on me. )I was so ready to go home and not move for the rest of the weekend.
Little did I know , I wasnt going to be able to move for many days to come! Scott and I went to the movies that night, and I could barely walk up the stairs, after the movie was over it was 10 times worse. the next morning, I couldnt squat down to use the bathroom ( I somehow managed that one, thank God). I remember when it was time to go to the gym that night, Jake asked if I wanted to go, I said yes, But I really considered not going, cause all of the cardio machines are UPSTAIRS. I was still in pain on Tuesday, by this point I thought something was seriously wrong with me, that maybe I had torn a muscle or something, cause I had never felt so much pain before from working out. But nope, I was just that out of shape.
As I was at the gym Monday night with my trainer I thought about how far I have come from that first workout with the BOY ( I finally broke down in September and started paying for a trainer, after watching them for 9 months I realized some of them know what they are doing, so I picked the one I wanted and have been with him since. ) Everytime that I train with Kyle I feel like I am going to die, but its not cause I am so out of shape, its cause he is pushing me to go beyond anything I have ever done before. and when I think I cant give him another rep, he is there to make sure I can.
I have watched other ladies who were just like me a year ago, come in and do their one free session with a trainer, and I see the look in their eyes, the same one that I had, that they feel like they are going to die. Some of them I never see again, and Some keep coming back. I want to tell them all that they can do it, They are not going to die ( they will just feel like it for a while) and its so worth it, to make sure they do come back , that they dont have to wait till they can walk again, they can come back the very next day, and work through all the pain, cause at the end of it all they will find a stronger beautiful self, who was just waiting to come out.
This journey is so worth it, you just have to want it, more than anything you have ever wanted in your life.
I use to say that divorcing my first husband was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was the best thing I ever did for my boys.
This is the hardest thing I have ever done, and the best thing I have ever done forMYSELF...and my boys.
I thought I would end this post by posting a picture of myself that I allowed to be taken. I wasnt a fan of the camera for obvious reasons, but this one was taken in Aug, 2004.

One year ago

at my heaviest march "06 "


Almost exactly one year ago, ( Dec 29th to be exact) I started my journey to being healthy. For the first time in my adult life, I was going to not be overweight anymore, I was not going to turn 40 in March 2010, 120 pounds overweight. I made up my mind then to get the weight off, once and for all. I had a goal, to lose 120 pounds in 15 months, ( by my 40th birthday), I could do that, right? :)
I had a plan , I had read Jillian Michaels book Winning By Losing from cover to cover, and I felt like I was kind of armed with the right tools to start this. I was going to put myself first, for the first time in my adult life, I was going to come first, EVERY SINGLE DAY. I was doing this so I could live longer, be a healthier, happier mom, A better employee, a better wife, and for once to be a person that I liked. I wanted to look into the mirror, and love what was looking back at me, I knew that once I looked better on the outside, I would feel better on the inside. I needed that for myself.
Jake and I joined LAFITNESS on Dec 29th 2008, and let me tell you, if I had not had Jake going to the gym with me those first couple of months, I dont know if I would have kept going. I would work all day, come home, eat some dinner, and at 7pm, Jake and I would head out to the gym. Many nights I wanted to not go, But Jake was there , standing in the hallway, ready to go, how could I say no when he was wanting this too? We went 5 times a week, for 51 weeks last year, I went to the gym 5 times a week. The only time I didnt go 5 times was when I had my carpul tunnel surgery the first week in APR. the surgery was on a WED, and I was back at the gym the following monday. ( I figured if I was back at work, I could be back at the gym) . I ALWAYS had the fear ( and honestly, still do) that if I skipped a workout, it would become two workouts, then three... and so on. I knew how easy it would be to not go, and to fall into old habits, and I wasnt going to let that happen.
Reading Jillians Book. Also armed with the info I need for my calories. Jillian said that the ladies on the Biggest Loser were on a 1200 calorie a day diet, ok then, that is what I would be on too.
this was taken new years eve 2008 .


More story to come, this is just the beginning ,.